Re: Cheating Destiny (book excerpt)
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Posted by klausen on 16:19:18 2006/07/10
In Reply to:
Re: Cheating Destiny (book excerpt) posted by Andra
Having had type 1 diabetes for 40 years now, I can say that it ruins about 50% of the value of life. If the patient is lucky with the disease and happens to have much more stoicism and resilience than sensitivity and self-perception, then perhaps it is worth living with a life half ruined by disease.
A seriously underestimated aspect of diabetes is the constant dread and fear of what is approaching, of having to watch oneself rot to pieces while still alive, of having to live on as a mind in a corpse-like body, which can happen to diabetics who are on dialysis for a long time, are blind, are paralyzed from neuropathy, etc. The dread and fear of what might be is often as bad as the physical suffering and social isolation that comes from what has already happened to the patient's body.
Although I have had many interesting adventures in life and have had some luck in other respects, I would say, looking back on all my experiences with the disease, as well as contemplating the much worse complications of the disease which will set in during the upcoming phase of my existence, that I would prefer never to have existed, given this disease.
Diabetes had the effect of warping everything that happened, of giving everything a sideways twist that made what should have been a happy experience a merely ironic one. Every danger and negative aspect of the world seemed to participate in a universal doom; every moment of calm seemed to be filled with foreboding. In short, diabetes infected everything with irony, disappointment, pessimism, and anxiety -- even though, in my social environment, I have always kept these feelings secret, along with the fact of my diabetes itself.
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